Saturday, October 1, 2016

So Much Cooler Online

Whoa, I know what the heck Tawna Jones has a blog post?  Has hell frozen over?? I assure you Hell has not frozen over, yet.

I'm going to try this whole blogging regularly thing, see how it flies. I figure as a 29 year old single lady (go ahead put your hands up and just sing it, we all know it's running through your mind. All the single ladies, all the single ladies, now put your hands up, up in this club we just broke up etc..) Okay, okay put your hands down, my gosh people are watching, sheesh. Do you always do what people tell you? Get some control! Now where was I, oh yeah as a single 29 year old woman, frequent Tinder socialite (for those of you that don't know what Tinder is I will explain in my story below) Member of the church of Jesus christ of Latter Day Saints, Jokester, lover of the mountains, Bear Lake, Sanuks, Wyoming and so many other things I can't list them all,  I've got some thoughts about the things of the world, my own dating stories, being a single mormon and what that's like, I thought it would be fun to share and see what others thought.

To start off with let me tell you a little about myself for those that do not know me, I am from Star Valley, Wyoming. You may have heard it by another name, God's country. It doesn't get much better than that. Yes, I did go to the new Mormon Temple open house there, it was dreamy. That temple, hit me right in the feels. It is stunningly beautiful. Anyway, I grew up in an awesome family, I am the only girl with two older brothers and an amazing mom and pops. I love my family, my life is good, God has blessed me beyond what I deserve and for that I am grateful.

Okay, okay enough of all that, lets get down to business, I use to have blog where I told my "amazing" dating stories, well I deleted that because I never used it anymore but now I am back. So to start you all off I am going to share a new story with you. This wasn't an actual date but one of those Tinder experiences that you just can't make up! This is real single life people. Buckle up.

Let me tell you about tinder if you are not in the loop with what it is exactly. Tinder is a "dating" app. I use the term dating loosely as it is solely based on looks and usually you decide in 5 seconds or less if you want to swipe right or left. Left swiping, they have no chance. Swiping right, however means, that crap- I like it! Some people have details about themselves but others choose to keep it simple and put nothing or just "Netflix and Chill". If you think this phrase sounds incredible and your thoughts go to "Oh my gosh this is my dating dream we can binge watch Netflix and eat as much pizza as we want!" False, that is not what he/she wants at all. Netflix and chill is... a booty call. I know, you are so disappointed right now just as I was I when I found out there would be no pizza and Friends marathon. But this is why I am telling you, so you know about the single life.

One July day I was sitting in the place where I do my best date swiping, the royal throne. Stop with the quick judgements, I know you all be sitting on the throne with your phones, Pinteresting or Facebook stalking. It's where we do our best work, lets be honest here. This is how we roll now, looking for dates on the throne. So there I was when I swipe right and bam, congratulations to me I have a match!! AHH... I match with Jeremy. How exciting. Don't get too excited. Matches don't always mean conversations, it just means someone likes the look of my face. Which hey, I will take it! Jeremy and I strike up a conversation, he seems really interested in getting to know me not just asking me for a quick NCMO pronounced (nic-mo, non-committal make out). I am sure you all know this, but just in case I figure I will help you out. So Jeremy and I are talking and we talk for a good while getting to know each other... Now fast forward two weeks. Jeremy and I have spoken every day and he seems like such a nice guy, but there is one thing that keeps bugging me. He never texts after 6:00 pm. I know he works really early and works 10 hour days so maybe he is just tired and that is all. Hmm, so I mention it to my friend and she says, "That is weird, do you thing he's married?" WTH (What the Hell) I thought, you have got to be kidding me, I am a home wrecking slut! No way am I going to be a home wrecking slut. So I text him and say, "Hey what's going on? Why can't you text back after 6:00pm?" His reply: "Oh, you know, I get home and just get busy doing things I need to on my house and I am so tired I usually fall asleep pretty early." After receiving this answer, I still have this pressing thought in the back of my mind that this is just too good to be true. There has got to be something more to this situation. The next morning Jeremy and I are texting and up pops this game-changing text. He says, "so I haven't been completely honest with you. I have something to tell you and you can choose not to speak to me again or not, but I feel terrible about it and I really like you so I want to be honest with you." He says, "I really hope that you will really think about it and not make any rash decisions, but if you don't want to speak to me anymore I understand that and I will respect your choice."

Now back to me, I am literally pooping in my pants I am thinking he has to be married, why did I just shrug off his comment last night? What the heck is wrong with me!! Giddy up for this, my friends. So I say "Okay, what is it you need to tell me?" Jeremy takes FOREVER to text me back. I mean, come on man, I am dying here thinking I am a home wrecking slut. Throw me a damn bone! Text me back! Jeremy finally responds after what feels like an eternity, and goes on to say that he lives in a HALF-WAY HOUSE, the reason he can't text back is because his phone gets taken away after 6:00pm! You guys, I cannot make this crap up. I just can't. This is my life, a dating joke. Jeremy continues to tell me that he received a DUI and part of his probation is staying in this half-way house for 6 months. You might be thinking, that isn't so bad. I mean maybe he has changed and mistakes are made, people can change. You are correct I do believe that, but it gets better; there is more. There is always more when it comes to me and dating. I tell Jeremy "Okay, let me think about things for a little bit," and I will let him know, I still had a weird feeling about it. I spoke with my friend about it and she said, "Oh my gosh what are you going to do? Do you think you should google him?" Now why in the heck didn't I think of that in the first place?? I said, "Well now I do!" So I get on my trusty computer and type his full name into google search. What appeared next was a rap sheet three miles long! Okay it wasn't that long but, it was long enough.. (that's what she said) Jeremy, had been convicted eigh different times, two of which were felonies!! I won't go into detail on what his charges were but they were not good, lets just leave it at that. I responded to Jeremy saying, "Hey man, I don't mess around with crap like this, please don't contact me anymore and we can both just go on with our lives." He tried to defend himself saying he had changed etc, etc. but I wasn't about to let that happen. I just told him to stop contacting me and I deleted his number and removed him from Facebook and things like that. What in the world is wrong with people, you don't think that someone would like to know that you are a convicted felon living in a half-way house? I found this picture and it couldn't be anymore me.

Moral of this story is: GOOGLE EVERYONE. I seriously mean that, google the crap out of them! Trust is not to be handed out too quickly and with online dating people can be who they want. I mean, I myself have a picture of Blake Lively on my profile saying she is my twin.. Hahaha i'm joking I don't have a picture of her on my profile, but you can be who you want online and no one knows the difference. I think Brad Paisley has a song about it, I'm so much cooler online.

Why do we feel like we need to be something or someone we aren't. Shoot, God made you, and he made me, both of us may be completely different but he thought the world needed one of each of us. You are a pretty big deal if you ask me, so be the real you that is what God intended and there is no one that can replace you. While I'm over here being me, you, yes I mean you, you be you.